Negotiating is part of an author’s life, and it’s one thing I’ve had to learn to do better over the years. I realized this past week that I had the best possible advisor sleeping at my feet and never realized as much.
The Queen Bee – our standard poodle – is a master negotiator. You see, the Queen Bee really likes to have her dinner. She begins to think about it in the early afternoon, and by 3 pm, she is heavily lobbying for her evening meal. It doesn’t matter how much she’s had to eat during the day. I can be convinced that she can’t eat another thing, but even though she is a poodle, she’s also a dog and she has dinner on her mind. Dinner sooner is better than dinner later. She doesn’t get dinner until at least 6, but she tries every single day to inch that time forward.
I thought about what she does and how she presents her case, and have compiled a list of negotiating tips from her.
1. Make your desires known.
This is fundamental. If no one knows what you want, you won’t likely get it. There’s no point in being wishy-washy. Ensure that everyone who can fulfill your desire knows what you want. In the Q.B.’s case, this involves a lot of eye contact – even if she has to hunt me down to do it – and pointed references to the refrigerator. She will nudge me and poke me until I follow her (thinking she needs outside) then lead me to the kitchen. Once there, she will sniff her dish, feign surprise that it’s empty, then sniff the lip of the fridge door. More eye contact follows.
2. Don’t accept “no” for an answer.
The Q.B. is not too proud to repeat the above when she has been declined the privilege of an early dinner.
3. Be prepared to negotiate a stop-gap.
If her strategy fails on the second attempt, the Q.B. will go to the tin that holds the Milkbones. She will touch it with her nose, then look me in the eye. If I say no, this will be repeated.
4. Attitude is key.
Keep a positive, optimistic demeanor – as if your request is so reasonable that no one would deny you. It’s all in the eyes with the Q.B.
5. Prepare a fall-back position.
If this has all failed, the Q.B. will indicate that she wants to go outside. When I let her out, she will remain on the patio, sniff the breezes, waste a bit of time, then come back to the door. When I let her in, she will once again try #3. (Because in this house, you get a biscuit when you ask to go outside to do your business – except she hasn’t done any business.) If I decline, she will poke the tin again with more insistence. At some point, I decide it’s just a biscuit and give her one. She relies on this weakness.
6. Ensure that the stop-gap is recognized as such, not as a negotiated settlement of the initial request.
The biscuit is not instead of dinner – it is intended to ensure that she survives until dinner. (Otherwise she might starve. Uh huh.) As soon as the biscuit is gone, she goes back to her bowl, and the lip of the fridge. Point made. Request denied.
7. When presented with a step-back, ensure that your disappointment is known.
The Q.B. favours the heartfelt sigh. Unfortunately for her strategy, I think this is funny.
8. Strike a balance between being persistent and not being annoying.
This is a matter of some delicacy because each person has a different point of tolerance. The Q.B. knows mine. She will not lobby if I’m writing, if I’m on the phone, or if I raise my voice (telling her, for example, to go and lie down.) She will disappear if she feels that she has pushed a touch too far – choosing to doze somewhere out of my sight – and wait for her moment.
9. Ensure that you and your needs are not forgotten.
Within 30 minutes, the Q.B. will be back, to begin again at #1. We will repeat the entire sequence until she gets her dinner.
10. Celebrate triumph – and be inclusive
At some point, diplomacy and persistence will triumph. You must believe this as fervently as the Q.B. does. Even so, success must be celebrated. When the Q.B. does get her dinner, she is joyous. She frolics. She romps. She races through the house and may even make the Bark of Joy. She will also select a toy and bring it to whoever fed her, to share the joy.
In a way, the whole routine is kind of funny. I like that the dog tries to manipulate me. I can’t believe that she has any serious doubt about her being regularly fed.
In another way, she’s very good at this and there’s something to be learned from her strategy.
What about you? Are you a skillful negotiator? Or do you have a furry friend who could give you some tips?
Deborah Cooke: Author 
2 responses to “The Queen Bee’s Tips to Negotiation”
Everyone has different styles. Some work better than others.
Much like the QB, The Senior Dog starts early and frequently, but is less polite. She’s loud, constantly voicing her wishes which, unfortunately, gets annoying. This is a case of the squeaky wheel DOES NOT get what she wants until the provider is ready to grant it. I would warn would-be negotiators that while persistence is useful, know when to stop or, at least take a break.
Then there’s the Patient One. She waits until you make a move towards IT, then reminds you she’s there and she’d like some of that. She’s watching, waiting, nudging, and never far out of sight. Maybe perched at your feet, just so you don’t miss her. She gets rewarded with a little extra for her patience.
Mr. Irresistible gets by on his charm. When he wants something, he becomes cute, bestowing gifts (of kisses) and dancing around. His stop-gap is to go grab a bone and gnaw on it, just to remind you he’s starving. I like his method – it’s not enough to get annoyed with and, like the QB, you’re rewarding with wild dancing and yips of joy. Reminds me to be happy for what I do get and thank the appropriate provider afterwards.
(LOL…seems I learned a lot about life from the dogs!)
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LOL Pam – I knew you would have tips from your pack!
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