Deborah Cooke: Author

I’ve told you all this before, but I’m going to tell you again today – one of the really fun things about the internet is that you can FIND people. I love this! Once upon a time, I read a book called WARPRIZE by Elizabeth Vaughan, because her editor called me up and told me how much she loved it and that I HAD TO READ IT. And Anna was right. I loved it and I quoted for it. I never met Elizabeth or talked to her, but recently I went looking for her. Of course, she’s an author so she has a website. And today, she’s my guest. Please welcome Elizabeth. (And if you haven’t read her books, you should. Trust me. Go. Now. Buy.)

Deb, thank you so much for the invitation to blog with you today!  Your blurb for the original print run of Warprize has become a good luck talisman for me – its been on all of the first printings of the Chronicles of the Warlands.

I wasn’t sure what to talk about today, because I am in-between writing projects at the moment.  So I decided that I’d talk about something that I am not good at.

Cooking.

I am not a domestic goddess in anyway shape or form.  But I am particularly bad at cooking.  It’s not so much that I can’t cook.  But . . . well, the best way to explain is to show you one of the few recipes that I can manage to pull off.  Have no fear, I didn’t come up with this recipe, so there is little chance that you will actually poison yourself if you try this.  I am inserting the link here so that you can see the original

http://simplifried.com/2011/07/18/simply-magical-butter-and-onion-pasta-sauce/

but this is my version:

28 ounces whole peeled tomatoes from a can (San Marzanos are preferred)

Stand in the canned tomato aisle for roughly fifteen minutes trying to figure out which can of tomatoes you need for this recipe.  Not knowing what the heck a San Marzanos is, decide to ignore recipe.

5 Tbs unsalted butter

Yum.  Butter.

1 medium yellow onion, peeled and halved

Discover to my delight that you can buy onions pre-peeled.

salt to taste

Good to go.  Fill the rest of the cart with cat food, cat treats and cat litter, because otherwise they will make me pay.  Get home, feed cats, and unload groceries.

Empty the tomatoes and their juice into a sauce pot,

Sauce pot?  Do I have one?  Find a pot that seems suitable and wash off dust.  Open can of tomatoes and have tomato juice splatter over entire counter.  Curse mightily, pour tomatoes into pot and wipe down counter.

along with the butter

Unwrap a stick of butter and throw into pot before reading recipe.  Oops, apparently a stick of butter is slightly more than 5 Tbs.  Whatever a Tbs is.  Ignore recipe.

and halved onion, then bring to a simmer.

Cut pre-peeled onion in half.  Despite the fact that it is pre-peeled, cry anyway.  Put burner on low.

Cover

A lid?  Do I have a lid?

and adjust heat to maintain a steady simmer for 45 minutes, or until fat droplets from the butter freely float to the surface.

Stare at pot.  Nothing’s happening.  Fat droplets sound kinda disgusting.

Nothing’s happening.  Stare at wall.

You know, in that next scene, it would be far more exciting if the heroine rips off the hero’s shirt and then kisses him.  Consider thematic implications.  Hear a snatch of dialogue in my head.   I have to write that down right now or I am going to lose it.  Wander off in search of
paper . . .

Smoke alarm goes off.  Sauce must be done.

Remove the onion and crush the tomatoes against the side of the pot with a spoon or blend using a stick blender.

Stick blender?  What the heck is that?  Wack tomatoes a few times with spoon.  Ignore recipe.

Serve the sauce over your favorite pasta.

Wait, I need another pot??

Come on, confess your cooking sins.  I can’t be the only one who is domestically challenged!